Neyinka

I have been trying to talk to my parents about my asexuality, with little success.

So, in a fit of inspiration, I printed out a pamphlet from Asexuality Aotearoa New Zealand (And here's a question, how is it that New Zealand has an Asexual community website and Australia doesn't? Hmmm...) and gave it to my mother to read. While we were having dinner I asked her what she thought. Her response was 'it was interesting.'

Okay, interesting is good. So I continued, asking if she now understood how I felt when people tell me 'you haven't met the right person.' (And the other variations of denials) My mother responded with, "well, I find it incongrous that you read so much - import even - softcore porn!"

I'll admit to my love of romantica - the point where yes I am a little obsessed by it. But I've never hidden that. Seems to me that if I was using the books as a sexual aid, then I wouldn't read them on break at work or leave them lying around. And anyway, even if I did read them for stimulation, it wouldn't change my sexuality. I still don't have sexual attraction to another person.

I tried to explain this to her and she just shrugged and changed the conversation by asking my dad how to do something in Excel. (Whoa, subtle...) Seriously, I don't know why this is so important to me, that they accept what I am. People at work know, and it's fine. My friends know, and accept me. So WHY does this matter to me so much?

I don't know, but I ended up I drinking and crying for two hours before going to sleep. (Not that I wouldn't have had the alcohol anyway) The only positive I can dredge out of the evening is that I didn't cut. Bonus.

Am I asking so much? I just want one person in my family to understand or even just respect what I am. They can be cynical all they like, but I just want ONE of them to say 'Okay.' I'm so tired or pretending interest when a 'hot' guy comes on TV. I'm tired of the innuendo when I'm out with them and having to respond to remarks like 'he was checking you out, you should talk to him.' It feels so fake.

I'm not doing any of that from now on. I'm putting my foot down. But I still want that acceptance. I just don't know what more I can do to achieve it.

(X-posted to asexuality</lj> )